Maturity Leads You To Better Relationships.

As I was speaking to females friends of mine few weeks ago, we got into the heated topic of relationships.  What I basically suggested was that sometimes you cannot be in a rush to get into relationships, because the same people that I would have dated 8 years ago are no were near the same people that I would have dated now.  I cannot imagine getting married to any of the men that I dated and I fear that I would have lost by mind by now had I done so.

This past weekend I had to do a dissertation preparation course in northern VA  for my PhD.  As I sat in the class I think I really was in awe of life and the life that God has given me.  I was in awe that I was sitting among all these highly educated and professional people.  And even more so, I was now one of those educated and professional people.  I was in awe of the intellectual conversation that I was having in class and how this was a marked changed from the conversation that I would have before I had my son.

Oh my how I had change, and even more so it was a good change.  And during the same weekend I met a fellow learner that was not in my class but was doing his dissertation presentation course as well.  Even though I was not attracted to this man this was not the point.  It was the fact that there are real men out there that act as such, and I guess I had been so used to the bad ones that I kind of got accustomed to expecting their nonsense.

During the course of the weekend the gentleman ask to get my car from valet for me, when I told him I had not parked in valet, he then walked me a block and a half to my car talking to me all the way.  None of the conversation had to do with sex or anything inappropriate it was just normal INTELLECTUAL conversation.  During the second day he presented me with his business card in which he was a senior executive at his company dealing with computers.  During breakfast, he offered to get up and get my breakfast for me.  It was a delightful experience to see that chivalry was not dead.

And even more so, it proved my point.  As we grow, mature, and get further in our life paths, whatever that life path may be; we attract better friendships and most importantly relationships.  As I was sitting next to two fellow students, one who was recently engaged.  Her story was very romantic at the fact that the original ring she wanted had gotten sold, and her fiance went to the store and got the same ring custom made for her.  And the other  student was in her mid 30’s  and in a relationship for two or three years.  She had bought a home with her boyfriend and was expected a proposal any day now, hopefully at the party that he was planning for her.

She even mentioned that she was glad that she waited to be a relationship, sharing the same sentiments as myself.  And that is that she was a mess in her 20’s and it was not until now that she was able to meet someone so awesome, because she was more mentally and emotionally stable.

I am not saying anything about women who get married in their 20’s but I am saying something to do who are so desperate to get married that they are missing it (see my blog here).  They are missing out on life, missing the opportunity to grow into mature human beings and attract someone who is equally mature.  Ten years ago I would have settled for the bottom of the barrel and thought because I had someone that this was a good thing.  Over looking all their shortcomings and focusing on the .00001% of good that they give me.  But it is not like that anymore, I know that I am better and therefore I deserve better. And when women finally come to this realization, it is then and only then that it will not matter if they are still single.  They will choose to be single then in a bad relationship.

Some people may call this being too independent, trust me I have heard it all.  But as a woman I have no problems submitting to a man and a husband as long as I deem him to be worthy of submitting to.  I would not dare submit to a man that I could not trust with my emotions, to treat me right, or to treat my son right (see my blog here in true meaning of being submissive).  So until I find someone who is worth submitting to or better yet he finds me (He who find a wife, finds a good thing Proverbs 18:22  See my blog here).  I am perfectly happy enjoying the ride and attention from real men that have something to offer.

Women Who Fight Each Other Over A Man

 Often times when you are in the midst of something crazy you do not see or understand the full extent of the craziness until you are on the outside looking in.  I can recall so many years ago, when I used to be the type of woman that felt I needed to be in competition with other women over a man. Great thing for me is I smartened up.

Unfortunately this is a common situation that many women find themselves in.  For with age, common sense, and direction of the Holy Spirit I learned that I should not be competing with anyone for any man.  I learned quickly that if the man does not want me then why should I want them?  It is a simple question that requires a simple solution but when I look around me I see and pity so many women running around fighting each other for a man, all for the man’s entertainment.

Just in a situation recently, I bumped into an ex and now he is with a women that he has been messing around with on and off for several years.  For some reason she and he flaunted their relationship like I was supposed to be jealous.  On the inside I was thinking about what an idiot she was.  Just to give you a recap, my ex was juggling all of three maybe four women. And this happened several years ago.  Once I got educated about what was going on and tired of completing with ALL the other women, I left the other women in the situation to hash it out.  And this literally had to be about five years ago.

I guess once I  left the situation, the remaining women hashed it out for this one man who they perceived was some type of prize.  I do not know about them but when I was in a relationship with him, he got all my nerves, had a lot of growing up to do, and I realized that it was only his looks that I was attracted to.  Not him as a person.  Now five years later, here my ex and his woman stand, her all proud as if she won the mega millions lottery.

In my mind I am thinking, she only won by default since the other  women probably got tired of the run around.  She literally she was the last woman standing and this was somehow sufficient for her.  How sad?

What is even sadder is that she has been in this run around with him for over 10 years! And now they have the nerve to say that they are getting married.  And not that he proposed to her or anything, she proposed to him! Say what! I get equal rights with women and everything, but somethings should not be so.  And forcing a man to marry you after he has been with woman 1 through 10 during you so called relationships, is not my idea of love.  But apparently it is her ideal of love, so who am I to judge.

I hope that when you see this whole story in black and white you truly realize how ridiculous this is, and for those of you who are in the same type of situation, you learn to get out of it and get out now.  Can you imagine if I would have spent the last five years of my life chasing after this man, how much of my time would have been wasted all for nothing?  And he really is not even a catch.  The last time I checked he was living with his mother, did not have a car, and did not take care of the many children he has scattered across this country.  Oh well, except the one that he has with the girlfriend he is currently with now.

I suppose she does not care about the children he has had after hers, that he does not take care of.  The countless abortions he has had by other women or the fact that he cheated on her for the last 10 years.  Because in her mind, she wins and on to her happily ever after.

I think that these are the things that we go through when we are young learning about relationships.  Lord knows, that I did.  But as I got older I got wiser.  These two people are in their mid to late 30’s still playing this cat and mouse game.  Who has time for all of that?!  Can you imagine starting this game in your early 20’s and now finishing in your mid 30’s, is this really a win for you?


So often times women want to blame men for what they do, but how about women blame themselves for what they accept. Because on any given day when a man is not acting right, you have the free will to walk away.  And do not say that you are in love, because even if you are, he is not in love with you.  Love does not do that to people.  Real love is about two people being dedicated to one another and willing to work on the relationship so they can make it better for both of them.

If the relationship or situation that you are in, is not like this. Then this signifies a problem.  Stop playing the game now! Do not pass go or collect $200! Just stop playing and really find out what is wrong with you as to why you feel you do not deserve to have your own man who loves you and does not want you to compete with another woman for his love.

I think what the game changer for me was God.  Once I began to see how God loved me, I knew the things that God wanted for me; and what this man was offering was simply not it.  Once you know how God love you then it will be easy to recognize a man or women who is good for you, because God will send someone who loves you and sees you in the same way.


It does not take us to convince God to love us, see our strengths, or values us; He loves us anyway regardless of our downfall and shortcomings.  It’s a lot like that in a real relationship.  Someone will find you, love you (downfalls and all) and be willing to work on your relationship with just you two to help heal the wounds of the past.  Not make more wounds for you to heal from.  Does that make sense? I really hope it does.  Do not allow your loneliness to lead you down a path of desperation and toxic relationships, it is just not worth it. And most importantly do not let your competitive nature and not wanting to loose to another women cause you to waste valuable time on a man that is not worth your time.  Bow out gracefully.  

4 Affordable Spring Fashion Looks For 2015

Winter is almost gone and soon spring will be in full bloom.  And with the coming of spring comes the colorful outfits that put us in a good mood.  Gone are the days of wearing thick coats and covering up your legs and feet, it’s time to show a little skin. Only a little, this does not mean go outside half naked.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love having a unique style, especially when it is infused with a lot of color.  It is my opinion that the more color you where the happier you feel.  I also have this thing where I do not want to spend a lot of money on things to make me look good.  So here I have composed four affordable spring outfits to help you get ready for the upcoming season.

For the first outfit we have this, Ninimour retro vintage digital print skater skirt for $9.94.  Never underestimate the power of a colorful shirt (click here to get it).  Many people want to wear a colorful shirt and a solid color skirt, but why not reverse it? For the top we have a vintage long sleeve sheer tops lace shirt chiffon blouse for $21.75 - $22.91 (click her to get it). And these ankle strap high heels that retails between $15.72 - $29.99 (click here to get it).  You can never go wrong with a banging pair of shoes.  Accessorize with it with these Nine West vintage bracelet for $24.98 (click here to get it) and this bag from MG Collection for $35.50 (click here to get it).








The second outfit is more for the evening.  You know, when you want to still cover up but not look like a nun.  First we have these leather leggings $14.79 (click here to get it).   And this adorable floral print blouse for $20.99 (click here to get it).  You can never go wrong with having print some where in your outfit.  As always top it off with a pair of insane shoes these are from Qupid priced at $32.99 (click here to get it).  And accessorize it up with this satin clutch for $21.99 (click here to get it).























I am in love with the 1950, style which is why for the third outfit I chose this Audrey Hepburn Style dress for $53.99 (click here to get it).  Keeping it classic these platform pumps for $26.99 (click here to get it), this elegant crystal clutch retailing at $14.98 (click here to get it) and these imitation pearl necklace bracelet earrings set for $5.92 (click here to get it) which is the perfect compliments for this 1950’s look.

For the last look, this is both and day and evening look.  First we have a pleated taffeta tea length skirt for $30 (click here to get it) matched with this RubyK crop top for $19.99 (click here to get it).  And since it is before Labor day, white shoes are okay which it why I chose these Ellie Pump for $39.99 (click here to get it). Once again the accessorize can hype up your look which is why I chose this shoulder bag for $30.70 (click here to get it) along with these  pink and black leopard rhinestone earrings for $12.50 (click here to get it).

Now that spring is in full effect it is time to bring back the bold colors and patterns. You ready I know I am.

Sometimes It Is Those You Love That Disappoint You The Most

Is there something or some dream that you want to achieve in this world?  Have you ever been so sure of your dream but everyone around you laughs and think that what you are trying to achieve is almost impossible.  Well if this is you, then I can relate.
I personally believe that God puts dreams in your heart and in your head for a reason.  I also understand that not all dreams will be attained.  My guess for this is because often times people are not willing to work hard for their dreams and expect dreams to be handed to them.  And the other is because some dreams are misguided and the person does not try to harness their own gifts to go toward a feasible dream.  What I mean by this is that why be a singer if you cannot sing?  Why be a rapper if you cannot rap?

The type of dreams that I am referring to are the things that you know for a fact you are gifted at.  Things that you know for a fact you must do in this world and if you are not able to do it, then you would feel incomplete.  I am talking about those type of dreams.

Well guess what, I have those type of dreams too.  My dreams are really big and are impossible to achieve without the help of God.  As I began to share my dreams with family, friends, and with those who I think would be happy for me, a crazy thing happened.  They did not care.  They did not think I could achieve my dream or they thought I was delusional.

So often times I do not care about what people have to say about me.  But what I think hurts most is that when I tell my mother the dreams that God has set upon my heart, and I think she should care.  Not only could she care less but she does not think that I can achieve them.  Because they seem too big to achieve.  She rather have me go back into the box of conformity and stay in my lane as oppose to rock the boat and make waves.

I am glad God made me the person that I am.  Even though it hurts to hear that the people who love me most are not my biggest supporters.  I still have the strength to keep going.  I cannot say that my mother has ever read one of my blogs, a page out of my book, or even really knows what I am good at.

We never really were close growing up and I used to pray that God would change this about her. As time went by and God never changed it, my prayer changed.  I prayed that I would accept her for the way she is and God change me instead.  To be clear I know my mother loves me, but the way she is, is just the way she is.  She does not mean any harm by it.  She just feels that she needs to give me a reality check when it comes to my dreams because she does not feel they are attainable.

I have learned that just because she does not feel they are attainable, does not mean that I have to feel the same way.  She can have her opinion, and I can choose my destiny despite her opinion.

For this reason, this is why God reveals your dreams to you, not everyone else.  And because your dreams are revealed to you, no matter how big, small, or impossible; God is saying to you that He is the one that is going to help you attain them.  And that perhaps you cannot lean on other people to do this for you only Him.

It takes faith in God for your dreams to come true when no one else has faith in you.  God brought me to three people in the Bible who were great.  They had great dreams but no one believed in what God was telling them.

First we have David.  When Samuel was sent to anoint David as king, David’s father did not even bring him in to the home with all his other son’s to be considered as king.  After Samuel went through all of Jesse’s (David’s father) sons and saw that God had anointed none of them to be king.  Samuel asked if Jesse had anymore sons. He replied, yes there was David the youngest in the field tending the sheep.  Once David was brought in, low and behold he was anointed to be king, in front of his brothers and father.  The same ones that did not believe in him (1 Samuel 16).

One may have thought that after being anointed his family would believe.  No, not the case.  David spoke of defeating Goliath and those close to him mocked him.

His brother saying:

“What are you doing here! Why aren’t you minding your own business, tending that scrawny flock of sheep?” (1 Samuel 17:28)

And his friend Saul saying:

 “You can’t go and fight this Philistine. You’re too young and inexperienced and he’s been at this fighting business since before you were born.” (1 Samuel 17:33)

But David followed up and said

“I’ve been a shepherd, tending sheep for my father. Whenever a lion or bear came and took a lamb from the flock, I’d go after it, knock it down, and rescue the lamb. If it turned on me, I’d grab it by the throat, wring its neck, and kill it. Lion or bear, it made no difference I killed it. And I’ll do the same to this Philistine pig who is taunting the troops of God-Alive. God, who delivered me from the teeth of the lion and the claws of the bear, will deliver me from this Philistine.” (1 Samuel 17:34-37)

David knew what God had taught him and it did not matter what others had to say about what he could do, it only mattered what God said. It took many years and trails before David became king.  But he fulfilled the destiny that God gave to him. Now his name is known throughout the Bible and the others are known for being non supportive.

Second we have Joseph.  Now his father loved him more than all his other children.  One day Joesph reveled a dream to his father and his brothers.  The dreams said that his fathers and brother would come to bow to him and he would be above them all.  His brothers laughed, and even his father who loved him most laughed.  His brothers’ jealousy lead them to sell Joseph into slavery (Genesis 37).

But as well know, Joseph fulfilled his destiny anyway.  It took some time in jail and being a slave before he did it but he did.  And years later when there was no food in the land, all of Joseph’s brothers and his father were at his mercy just as God said.

Third is Jesus himself.  Many people did not believe in him and who he was.  Even the Jews who he came for did not believe in him, they had him killed.  When Jesus went to his home town of Nazareth, they mocked him.

Saying

"Is this not Jesus, the son of Joseph, whose father and mother we know? How can he now say, 'I came down from heaven'?" John 6:42

Even his own family struggled with who Jesus was.

“And when his family heard it, they went out to seize him, for they were saying, “He is out of his mind.” Mark 3:21

Despite his miracles, wisdom, and kind heart; the ones who were closest to him are the same ones who let him down.  But one thing that all of this people have in common is they fulfilled their God given purpose, despite not having support of those around them.  I am sure that it hurt them, but they did not let it stop them.  No matter what you dreams are, if you feel that you are suppose to live out your dreams; then do it.  Do not let anyone stop you and do not let anyone tell you no.  If God gave you the dream then He will pave the way in order for that dream to come true.

One last thing.  I would like to tell everyone about one of my dreams.  It is a new show that I am going to be apart of, but we need funding.  If you feel lead to support please click here to do so and here to learn more about the show.