Men Who Use Women, The Oldest Trick In The Book.

Whenever I think of the life of Tamar I find her situation so sad.  Her whole life ruined due to no fault of her own but because of the very men that were supposed to protect her.  If you are not familiar with the account of Tamar (David’s daughter) let me give you a brief overview.


David had a few wives as you know.  Tamar was one of his daughter’s and she had a whole brother Absalom.  One of Tamar’s half brothers, Amnon, also David’s son grew an infatuation with her.  I am sure he thought that he was in love with her which we will come to find was only lust.  He knew that he could not have sex with his sister Tamar and so he came up with plan to get what he wanted from her.  One day during dinner Amnon told his father that he was too sick to come down and the only thing that could make him feel better was for his sister Tamar to come up and feed him.  David sent his daughter to his Amnon’s room and there he raped her.

After the rape, Tamer, begged for her brother to marry her.  Even though she had been raped and due to no fault of her own, she was now considered spoiled and could not get married to anyone, due to her no longer being a virgin.

“Then suddenly Amnon’s love turned to hate, and he hated her even more than he had loved her. ‘Get out of here!’ he snarled at her. ‘No, no!’ Tamar cried. ‘Sending me away now is worse than what you’ve already done to me.’  But Amnon wouldn’t listen to her. He shouted for his servant and demanded, ‘Throw this woman out, and lock the door behind her!’ So the servant put her out and locked the door behind her.  She was wearing a long, beautiful robe, as was the custom in those days for the king’s virgin daughters. But now Tamar tore her robe and put ashes on her head.  And then, with her face in her hands, she went away crying.” 3 Samuel 13:16-18

After Amnon had his way with her and his lust subsided, he basically threw her out of his room like common trash.  Tamar lost her mind telling her brother, Absalom, what happened.

“ So Tamar lived as a desolate woman in her brother Absalom’s house.” 3 Samuel 13:20

This is the last that we see of Tamar.  But what we can gather is she never married and never had children.

How many of you can relate to Tamar?

Not the  aspect of being raped, but a man being so infatuated with you, making you think that he loves you, and as soon as he gets what he wants from you he throws you away.  Leaving you to pick up the pieces on your own.  Often times as women we feel that this is not fair, we wonder why the man cannot be punished for using us?  We wonder why we were the target of his lustful attraction and why we are left feeling lied to and used?


Through this story I am convinced that some male ways have not changed.  Some men are willing to do what they need to do, say what they need to say, to get what they want from you.  And as soon as they get you, like Tamar, you are tossed aside and he is moving on to the next unsuspecting victim.

For Tamar, this was not her fault.  Her father should have not sent her to her brother’s bedroom alone.  Even if it was her brother he had a responsibility as a father to protect her.  And once the deed was done her father disappointed her again, by not punishing the man that made her into a women that is destined to be forever to be single.  Never knowing marriage, love, or the joys of being a mother.

It simply was not fair.

As I read the story of Tamar, I cannot help but to think that this is why women must guard themselves with men.  It is better to get to know a man that you are dating and not give in too soon, so you can see what he wants.  To see if he really wants you or if he just wants what is between your legs or if after the sex is done he is going to leave you and laugh and how naive you were to his male tactics.

As women we cannot fall pray and you must always maintain a level head to what you think he wants from you.  Real men that are interested in you are not going to invite you into his home in the middle of the night.  Real men that are interested in you are going to take you out on a date and not a date that consist of coming over his house to cook and feed him food (hence Amnon).

Real men that are interested are going to be interested in having conversations with you that do not revolve around sex, what you are wearing, or what he can do to you sexually.

If this is where your relationship is going do not pass go or collect $200.  You are not going to change his mind.  I can recall I met a man in which we talked on the phone a few times.  Or better yet he kept texting me thinking this was a “real conversation.”  He wanted me to send a pictures of myself and I refused so he decided to go first.  He sent me a picture with him doing something weird and disgusting with his tongue.  It even had all that white stuff on his tongue.  It was so gross.  And from there, I did not respond.  Ever.  I did not tell him how I did not like it. I did not try to redirect his intention, it was done and through.  It was clear what he wanted.  And he and I did not want the same things.

Men like that, like Amnon, will try to trap you so they can take advantage.  And there are always signs that something is not quite right with this man.  I think if we knew the whole story in the Bible, Tamar may have seen or sensed that something was not right with her half brother.  That perhaps he had an attraction for her that extended beyond brotherly love.

For any women that has gone through a situation like this.  Being used and plotted on by a man for his own pleasure.  It is okay.  Pick yourself up and dust yourself off.  Most women have been in the same type of situation.  Learn from it so that the next time you are the target of a man’s who just wants sex schemes on you, you know how to recognize the signs and avoid it all together.