Afraid Of Getting Older and Still Being Single

This past weekend was my birthday, I turned 31 years old.  I personally do not think that this is old at all.  However, others seem to still give me that

“ Your getting older, still single, and not married yet” face.

 And to this, I just have to laugh.  I cannot help but to laugh, it appears as though my relationship status affects other people more than it affects me.


Let's take this example. I was speaking to my cousin today.  I went to tell her about some great news that I received about a professionally opportunity.  The conversation started out by me saying that I was speaking to a guy. I went on about the opportunity I was presented with, and she told me

“ Oh, when you told me you were talking to a guy, I thought you were going to say you met someone.”

To which I laughed.  I laughed because to me it is just not that big of a deal any more.  Did the idea of marriage consume my endlessly to the point of obsession at one point? It did actually but not any more.  I have my son, who I love, therefore I already have my live in dose of testosterone.  And even better I get to raise him to be a good man, and so my son actually treats me better than a lot of grown men do.

He opens the door for me, write me love notes, we laugh, and joke together.  It is the ideal relationship with a male.  So it made me wonder, why did I idolize marriage so much?  Was it because I wanted to be married, is it because I wanted a companion, or is it because I felt at this age this was something I was suppose to do?

What I have learned, is that we cannot compare ourselves to others or conform to other people's expectations of us.  Aside from my son, God is my best friend.  He is a perfect friend.  I always can talk to Him, we laugh together, and I can always bet on Him to love me and keep it real.  That is what type of close relationship I am sure all Christians should strive for with God.  It would cure your feeling of feeling lonely (check out my blog here on loneliness) and cure your disease of wanting to be with bad men.  After you have spent so much time with the perfect Father figure (which is God) how on Earth can you go back to mediocre men that treat you like trash, or less than what your Father is willing to treat you?

In this one whole year in my 30's this is something that I realized, something that God told me, and once He did, I felt peace.  God started to show me what He wanted me to do in this season in my life, and marriage was not it.  I did not get disappointed because what God showed me about this season in my life, outweighs me getting married in this season in my life.

He told me that I would meet someone along the way in this journey that He has me on.  Meaning that if I do not go through the journey, then I would miss out on that “someone” as well as the awesome life that He has planned for me.  In my 20's I tried so hard to do it my way and to get where I wanted to go my way.  God directed my steps anyway, but sometimes it was with  me kicking and screaming along the way only to see that God was right in where He was leading me.

So I learned to trust God and to stop wreaking havoc in my own life by trying to go my own way.  I am sure, more than anything that this trusting in God has come with both experience and age.  So how can I despise getting older, and going deeper into my 30's and closer to my 40's when God is leading the way.  And things seem to get better and better with each direction that He is taking me.


There are things that I thought that I would have accomplished by 31, marriage being one of them, and financial freedom to do what I want being the other.   I have not gotten to these areas yet, but God surprised me with other things that were better or that I did not think I could achieve.  And the best thing about knowing God is often times He tells you why He did certain things in your life.  So now, instead of getting mad at God for some of the things that I have been through, I understand why I had to go through them.

In closing, at 31 do I feel older? Of course. But I do not feel self pity or anger for the things that I have not accomplished.  To do so would be slap in God's face, telling Him that the blessings He has given me is just not good enough.

Perhaps you are in your 30's, perhaps you are approaching 30, perhaps you are approaching 40, 50, or even beyond that, and you are still single or not in a position that you thought you would be end.  It is never the end of your life, until you die and go through the pearly gates of heaven or through the highways of hell; and even then if you chose to go to heaven, another life for you has just begun.  And it will last forever.  So do not get caught up in the technicalities for your life in this world.